Moving, Baseball, and Anxiety
The last time I wrote, my sister still lived in Raleigh. She no longer does (that includes bro-in-law too). It was a long weekend of moving, but we all survived. More than that, we all laughed. A lot. It's amazing to me that some families just can't get it together and get along because, for me, even when the task is daunting, or stressful, or dreaded, in the same way K and P did, I ask for the help of my family. They are the people who mean the most to me even though I am 867 miles away from them. Without going off on too much of a tangent, I will simply say that it gets more difficult to leave home every time it's time to return to my city.
A long, long drive was followed by a move-in and a Saturday of catching up over some drinks (with friends for a birthday, with my past, with their new neighbors, and most importantly, one-on-one with my sister- even though we had already spent 4 days together). Sunday was Easter. Dad and I cooked; this is time that I savor, my favorite time, in the kitchen with my family. As someone from a "food is love" culture, I take a lot of this with me in my life here- my love of hosting parties and dinners, of giving- advice, rides, assistance- sometimes to my own detriment, of singing and dancing around the aisles in the grocery store. That Easter dinner was special- shrouded in the time and adventure we had all just shared together, and the food tasted that much better knowing that this year so much more than just a few hours had gone into its preparation.
Monday. Super duper bonus for all the effort of the move, all the anxiety of being away for nearly a week from my new business. White. Sox. Opening. Day. AND it came with super sweet parking and tailgating!! The Sox won. Buerhle made history (and a sweet play). I had a blast with my friends. Then, it was time to head back to NYC.
And so, it is baseball season at last. I've been to three games already, and April isn't even over yet. My practice is going well- I am busy; I am invested; I am engaged. I am running and boxing and generally being a gym rat. I have reconnected with old friends. I have made new friends. I am helping others.....Still, I am waiting. I am in limbo. I doubt my worth and my abilities. I wonder what exactly I think I'm doing. And, yes, there is something that I am actually waiting for (a call about a job that I really, really, really want), something to which I have somehow managed to link my validity as a lawyer and a person, and with each hour that passes, a little more doubt manages to creep in and make me question that instinct that I talked about not so many posts ago. Didn't I tell myself to follow that voice? Didn't I convince you (are you out there?) that it was always right? Now that it's wavering, maybe what it's telling me is that it's time to sit down and think about what I want....
Where do i want to be for the next 5 years? What really makes me happy? What happens if I don't get this job? Does that affect any of the other questions? Do I have the strength to face the choices I need to make to answer all of these questions? While I am battling all of these, I will most certainly be running, boxing, and watching a lot of baseball. See ya out there.
A long, long drive was followed by a move-in and a Saturday of catching up over some drinks (with friends for a birthday, with my past, with their new neighbors, and most importantly, one-on-one with my sister- even though we had already spent 4 days together). Sunday was Easter. Dad and I cooked; this is time that I savor, my favorite time, in the kitchen with my family. As someone from a "food is love" culture, I take a lot of this with me in my life here- my love of hosting parties and dinners, of giving- advice, rides, assistance- sometimes to my own detriment, of singing and dancing around the aisles in the grocery store. That Easter dinner was special- shrouded in the time and adventure we had all just shared together, and the food tasted that much better knowing that this year so much more than just a few hours had gone into its preparation.
Monday. Super duper bonus for all the effort of the move, all the anxiety of being away for nearly a week from my new business. White. Sox. Opening. Day. AND it came with super sweet parking and tailgating!! The Sox won. Buerhle made history (and a sweet play). I had a blast with my friends. Then, it was time to head back to NYC.
And so, it is baseball season at last. I've been to three games already, and April isn't even over yet. My practice is going well- I am busy; I am invested; I am engaged. I am running and boxing and generally being a gym rat. I have reconnected with old friends. I have made new friends. I am helping others.....Still, I am waiting. I am in limbo. I doubt my worth and my abilities. I wonder what exactly I think I'm doing. And, yes, there is something that I am actually waiting for (a call about a job that I really, really, really want), something to which I have somehow managed to link my validity as a lawyer and a person, and with each hour that passes, a little more doubt manages to creep in and make me question that instinct that I talked about not so many posts ago. Didn't I tell myself to follow that voice? Didn't I convince you (are you out there?) that it was always right? Now that it's wavering, maybe what it's telling me is that it's time to sit down and think about what I want....
Where do i want to be for the next 5 years? What really makes me happy? What happens if I don't get this job? Does that affect any of the other questions? Do I have the strength to face the choices I need to make to answer all of these questions? While I am battling all of these, I will most certainly be running, boxing, and watching a lot of baseball. See ya out there.
posted by justsaying at 10:57 AM
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