Starting from Zero

Full-on Fall Insanity

2010-05-20T12:59:00.003-04:00

May has almost drawn to a close and Memorial Day is upon us (bathing suits...oh no!!!). I understand that for most (sane) people, this means that summer is here. For me, it means the start of training season. I know, I know; you're thinking "Didn't you just finish training for something?" The answer is yes; the NYC Half Marathon, which I ran in 1:57:17 after dancing in shows the two preceding nights. That's not too bad, right? Well.....that's over now.

So, what's on tap? Plenty. Since I ran two full marathons last year, I decided that's not a bad number to stick with for this year. This year's challenge, however, is that I am going to run both of those marathons within four weeks of one another. (I never claimed to be sane.) This year, I am running the Chicago Marathon on 10/10/10 (cool, right?) and the New York City Marathon on 11/7/10.

Why, why, why would I do that?! As you all know, these are the two places that are nearest and dearest to my heart. As you know, I share the love with two charities. I also have additional reasons for running both races, and here they are.

Chicago
I absolutely loved running Chicago last year and had to return this year: 1) to smash my time from last year; 2) it's a supercool date for an event and hopefully there'll be some supercool associated swag; 3) to kick it with my crazy friends who are also running 10/10/10; and 4) to smash my time from last year. Did I mention smashing my time from last year? Yeah. It's a really flat and fast course, and I'll be trained and ready to kill it in October.

As was the case last year, I am running Chicago for the Ronald McDonald House Charities. They love their runners so much that they even covered the (not cheap) entry fee for anyone who has raced for them before. Sweet!! As you know, last year I ran this one for Zoe whose family has used the services of RMHC while she was getting treatment. This year is no different. Show them some love and help me cross that line in Chicago by donating to my page at: http://www.active.com/donate/RMHC2010/kellyk

New York
What can I say? I've been here for a little over a decade (yikes!) now, and I love this city. Plus I ran nine races and volunteered for one with New York Road Runners and got automatic entry into the Marathon. This is a good thing because last year I tried to get in through the lottery. That didn't work out so well. But, I spectated the hell out of it!!!

So, this will be my first time running the awesome and inspiring New York City Marathon!! I will NOT be racing this one for time (I say now) but to have fun with those crazy running friends (many of whom are also running Chicago) and get some hometown love from my people in NYC! And by hometown love, I mean that someone can carry me home after the race.

Of course, I am running this one for the cult of purple: Team in Training. I am also a mentor and the Brooklyn team's social captain for the season. So, NYCers, you know you like crashing our post-run social events anyway, so show us some love and donate for the NYC Marathon at http://pages.teamintraining.org/nyc/nyc10/kkocinski

Chicago or NYC: which side are you on?! Prove it. Let the fundraising wars begin!!
Chicago: http://www.active.com/donate/RMHC2010/kellyk
NYC: http://pages.teamintraining.org/nyc/nyc10/kkocinski

There will be an honor roll with a city designation on this blog. There WILL be kick-ass post-race parties in both locations. There will be blood...or at least lost toenails. Stay tuned...

Moving, Baseball, and Anxiety

2010-04-27T10:57:00.003-04:00

The last time I wrote, my sister still lived in Raleigh. She no longer does (that includes bro-in-law too). It was a long weekend of moving, but we all survived. More than that, we all laughed. A lot. It's amazing to me that some families just can't get it together and get along because, for me, even when the task is daunting, or stressful, or dreaded, in the same way K and P did, I ask for the help of my family. They are the people who mean the most to me even though I am 867 miles away from them. Without going off on too much of a tangent, I will simply say that it gets more difficult to leave home every time it's time to return to my city.

A long, long drive was followed by a move-in and a Saturday of catching up over some drinks (with friends for a birthday, with my past, with their new neighbors, and most importantly, one-on-one with my sister- even though we had already spent 4 days together). Sunday was Easter. Dad and I cooked; this is time that I savor, my favorite time, in the kitchen with my family. As someone from a "food is love" culture, I take a lot of this with me in my life here- my love of hosting parties and dinners, of giving- advice, rides, assistance- sometimes to my own detriment, of singing and dancing around the aisles in the grocery store. That Easter dinner was special- shrouded in the time and adventure we had all just shared together, and the food tasted that much better knowing that this year so much more than just a few hours had gone into its preparation.

Monday. Super duper bonus for all the effort of the move, all the anxiety of being away for nearly a week from my new business. White. Sox. Opening. Day. AND it came with super sweet parking and tailgating!! The Sox won. Buerhle made history (and a sweet play). I had a blast with my friends. Then, it was time to head back to NYC.

And so, it is baseball season at last. I've been to three games already, and April isn't even over yet. My practice is going well- I am busy; I am invested; I am engaged. I am running and boxing and generally being a gym rat. I have reconnected with old friends. I have made new friends. I am helping others.....Still, I am waiting. I am in limbo. I doubt my worth and my abilities. I wonder what exactly I think I'm doing. And, yes, there is something that I am actually waiting for (a call about a job that I really, really, really want), something to which I have somehow managed to link my validity as a lawyer and a person, and with each hour that passes, a little more doubt manages to creep in and make me question that instinct that I talked about not so many posts ago. Didn't I tell myself to follow that voice? Didn't I convince you (are you out there?) that it was always right? Now that it's wavering, maybe what it's telling me is that it's time to sit down and think about what I want....

Where do i want to be for the next 5 years? What really makes me happy? What happens if I don't get this job? Does that affect any of the other questions? Do I have the strength to face the choices I need to make to answer all of these questions? While I am battling all of these, I will most certainly be running, boxing, and watching a lot of baseball. See ya out there.

Oh boy!

2010-03-24T15:54:00.002-04:00

The race on Sunday went well. Half-marathon, good weather, shutting down the streets of NYC? Pretty good time to be running. I didn't PR, but I did run a 1:57. I'm okay with that because...

I had shows this weekend too. That was a really good time. I had a blast working with this group and hope to continue working with them. I also saw my first group of mentees cross the finish line (not literally- there was too much congestion at the finish line) and THAT has been awesome. Hopefully I will be back mentoring for the fall season as well.

Hopefully, a lot of things will be happening. Spring is in bloom and things are indeed looking up. My current struggle is getting my work for current clients done while trying to find new clients out there. I have more to say but not a lot of shape o my thoughts. I was just totally due for a post and, while alternating between calm and panic, terror and, well, terror, I thought I'd get some of that out there.

Bossy Boots

2010-03-02T12:19:00.002-05:00

Since I started doing this solo practice thing, I have been really hard on myself. My return to this very blog is a testament to this. I've been wondering whether I am good enough or smart enough or disciplined enough to pull this whole thing off, as if it's some coup d'etat. To hear my lawyer friends speak of it, apparently it is a coup d'etat of sorts. "Brave" is word that has been bandied about like it was a tennis ball at the US Open. Clearly, I haven't FELT very brave. If anything, I have felt the opposite lately. Quite often.

I have spent a lot of time in my own head and here in this airspace questioning my voice, the very thing that led me to this decision in the first place. My voice has been something that I have always followed, from the time it told me that I would go to college on the East Coast at the age of 6 to it kicking me out of bed this morning to keep my newest resolution- no television during the day at all now that the Olympics are over- and drag my sleepy butt to yoga. (Why was I so tired? Well, I had stayed up late watching the Monday evening programs I DVR'ed last night because i knew that they couldn't be viewed on my lunch break today.) Along with this resolution was also the companion resolution to stop bullying my voice and just let it find its way again, dammit.

I got up and onto the train to make it to yoga class where I found myself, for the second time in a week, in the middle of what I refer to as "bossy boots" yoga instruction. "Set up the mats this way- no, closer together." "If I don't hear you all breathing together, we are not moving on until I do." Needless to say, this is not my cup of tea. I'm all for discipline, as everyone knows, but if yoga is about bullying, why not just take a kickboxing class. I go to yoga to quiet my discontent and competitiveness, not intensify it and cause me to resent my fellow yogis because SOMEone can't effing breathe correctly. I mean, isn't it called practie for a reason?! So, there I was, already seething before the class started and wondering why I had listened to my stupid voice telling me to roll out of my nice warm bed full of nice warm sleeping animals and drag myself through the decided not calming subway ride to get here for a bit of quiet. I tried to calm my mind and tell myself that there was a purpose to this. And then, the minute class started, it was right there. I'm not talking about some blue spirit or zenlike transcendent state; I'm talking about music. The first song that came on was "My Sweet Lord," the very song that I have been trying to write a legal blog post about for the past several weeks. The attempt has been stilted and painful, halting and full of doubt. It's like a wrestling match with my personal self and my professional self to get the tone , to not speak too casually, and, well, to get the damn thing right. And my spirit has taken a few punches in the process.

And then it occurred to me: I have been very lazy and undisciplined in my writing habits. No wonder I am nervous about the piece or any writing, for that matter. I'm out of practice. There are huge chunks of my life in NYC that are now missing because I got out of practice with journaling and chronicling. When i was in college, when I was traveling Europe, when life felt more free and easy, I used to write in my journal at the end of every day or at most, every other day. I used to take the time to write down my impressions and when I felt like putting together something bigger or more formal or "presentable," I would look back at these entries to refresh my recollection. Writing sort of fell by the wayside right around the time I started seriously considering law school and has drastically deteriorated since. Sure, there are times when I have sworn that I would resume, like here on the blog- a portable journal that i wouldn't have to carry around- or taking the time to pick out new journals to write in but being more concerned with the thing itself than how it got filled.

So I am done with promises. I can only ask for strength and guidance to follow through with my intention to take up the practice (see, there is that word again) of writing, not in order to coax my voice out- it's still there and it's still strong- but to remind myself what the voice says. To work on it like a newspaper editor works, diligently proofing but retaining the underlying tone, spirit and weight of the words. In short, adding writing back to my "Just Do It" list.

Yoga Before Running and Spin

2010-02-24T15:20:00.003-05:00

because I am calm; I am calm. DAMMIT, I AM CALM!!!

And, it's totally fine that my next race is 4 weeks away and I totally shitcanned the 10 miler on Sunday...that's just because I was worn out.

And, it's also totally fine that I currently have the amazing skin of a 15-year old on a pizza and cheetos diet; I was travelling, and my body's out of whack.

Oh, and, the caffeine will totally kick in at some point today. It's just the rain, not the fact that my schedule is like Angelina Jolie looking for orphans in a war-ravaged nation.

Yoga beofre Running and Spin tonight, because I'm totally calm.

What the....?!

2010-02-24T14:27:00.000-05:00

It's been a year. I have launched my new law practice out in the world and, apart from being utterly paralyzed by fear at times, and struggling to move forward, I am attempting to write a professional blog. The post I am working on has been in my head for about a month now, and as I look at it, and write and rewrite and rewrite again, I am consistenetly amazed that I once felt comfortable in my writing and in my voice. Not only was I a literature major, I have done a lot of creative writing , can pen a killer email, and well, there's this thing, too, of course.

But, there in the context of "profession" and "professional" in said profession, I'm still trying to find my voice- one that can really do justice to my passion and knowledge in my practice area but also stays true to who I am as a person. Instead, all I can think, staring at my laptop screen, an old friend who has seen better days, indeed, is that law has either 1) left me completely devoid of the ability to write, or 2) taken away any illusion I may have had that I possessed any sort of ability from the start.

And, so, I come back here, to my training-wheel blog, to find comfort and gain confidence, to write the personal side of getting this thing up and running, while running. and dancing. and teaching. and being me. I'm back here because this is where I can perhaps get some of those paralyzing thoughts and fears out of me, so the way is clear for professional me to soar. Or at least do more than whimper.

Lots of Running News, and the Wall of Fame!

2009-02-23T11:46:00.000-05:00

Lots of running, not so much writing- I know, I know. Well, here's some of the latest:

I did, in fact, run 2 half-marathons in two weeks. The second one, in the Bronx, earned me a new PR of 1:55:06- yay! It feels good to be working hard and seeing it pay off (a little, anyway). Then, back to one hard week of running, which ended with my very own Valentine's run of 18 miles. It was sunny and I woke up early, knowing I had to finish, shower and get to rehearsal afterwards. My teammates were starting later and heading on a flat run to Coney Island and the boardwalk, but I knew I had to map a big loop to get me home in time. So, I started...
18 plus miles, 4 bridges, 3 boroughs, 2 great country crooners (Dwight Yoakam and Lyle Lovett) and countless smiles and waves later, I was home again, in the shower and out to rehearsal. Click here to see my route:
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&ie=UTF8&msa=0&ll=40.640009,-73.78006&spn=0.461636,0.878906&z=10&msid=116797349652229055058.0004639902854f9bc1349

There was something so serene about running this route on Valentine's Day. It was like my own little Valentine to the city that I love so much. The views from the bridges, the water-front path, Central Park, the neighborhoods I passed and the life that was happening in each of them, and the older woman who, at nearly the start of the run, in Polish Greenpoint, yeller "Run a mile for me!" (taking me back to my pre-running days in Poland where we encountered a marathon that ended near a brewery and a reluctant old woman who saw us cheering on runners and later joined us with English that she had to think about for awhile before saying it aloud. The result: "Ok-ay, ba-by!") With the stress of living and working here in the day-to-day, it's easy to lose sight of all this city has to offer and all it has given me. And, on that Saturday morning, it gave me even more- NYC did, in fact, decide to be my Valentine as well. All in all, it was a long damn run- my longest to date. And while I was a little reluctant to be out there on my own, it gave me exactly what I needed- one of the best damn runs I have ever had.

After another, slightly easier week of running, I found myself in what I now consider my "Home"
park- Prospect for a Saturday morning race. It was chilly and a bit windy, but I ran it fast enough to move up a corral group (meaning that I start closer to the front of the pack and don't waste energy early in the race trying to get around slower runners). So, now I hang with the people whose min/mile times start with a "7." YAY!!! This is was a goal that I set back in December and I was really proud to see that goal realized.

After the race, I fought BQE traffic back home and showered in time to turn around and get out the door to dance class. It felt especially freeing and joyous to be able to dance after that race for some reason. Perhaps it's the news of starting some ballroom classes in addition to technical classes. Or that a friend and fellow dancer is creating a solo for me, to premiere in May. Or that everything that makes me feel happy- running, dancing, yoga, Physique class- is physical and perhaps taking the place of what's lacking elsewhere. That's something that I have to figure out, probably while running (lol).

I am now 60 days out from the Nashville marathon. And you can still help!! You probably got here through my fundraising page, so go back and click to donate!! Every little bit helps, so please, please give what you can and help me get to Nashville! Thanks again!

xoxo

Wall of Fame!!
A huge shout out to my Nashville Donors to Date!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You all really do Rock..or two-step...it IS a Country Music Marathon, after all! Get your name on the wall today!

Bob Early- and his friends from BP!!!
Forever Man
Michael Bell
Ciaran D'Arcy
Marty Ambos
Jennifer King
Mary Anthony
Kara and Patrick Curtis
Kate Nelson
John Londono
Shaun Smith
marc wolfe
Jimmy Ho
Karl France
Meaghan Atkinson
Demian Ordway
Peter Guy
Jeff Klein
James Comtois
Christopher Woodrell
Sherri Protze
Andrea Pastorella
Stutard Beerlicker
Tami Wallenstein
Judes

Lessons from the Cold

2009-01-26T15:42:00.000-05:00

Hi all!

First, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who has donated so far to my Team in Training marathon effort. I can't get there without those dollars (for a great cause, of course- whose life has NOT been affected by cancer in some way?!) If you haven't contributed yet, I am trying to do a push right now to get to the half-way point of $1900 by February 11th-my recommitment date (the date you have to put up or shut up in terms of your fundraising!). You can make your dollars go even further if your company has a matching gift program! Let me know if you need more info on that...

On Sunday morning, I ran the first race of the Continental Airlines Grand Prix series- a half-marathon in each of the 5 boroughs. The kick-off half-marathon was the Manhattan event, in Central Park. It was 15 degrees out. The subways were the usual weekend racket: re-routings, running in sections, etc., etc. Still 5,000 crazy people (you're allowed to call people crazy if you are part of the group you're describing...oh, who am I kidding- I call people crazy -and that's the nice extreme- all the time) toed the line and ran the loops of the park. I was not convinced that I had it in me. I wasn't racing this race; rather, I was using it as a gauge to test out the timing of my new hydration and fueling plan and getting the week's miles under my belt. plus, getting the memory of my last half out of my head. And I succeeded, mostly. My only goal was to come in under 2 hours, even if by a second. I ran a very conservative race pace and came in at 1:59:21.
The hydration test run had one additional component that I hadn't really anticipated, though. Um, when it's 15 degrees out and you're carrying your own water, you forget it's 15 degrees because you are nice and toasty, what with the 13 miles to run and all. The water you're carrying, however, is not nice and toasty. In fact, it's frozen. That's right, it's can-not-possibly-drink-from- this-bottle-because-ice-crystals-have-formed-and-the-water-is-now-chunky-and-not-going-through-that-tiny-spout frozen. Awesome. The water at the fluid stations were the same way. You had to squeeze the cup to crack the ice layer on top to get to the water below it, which is fine, except now there's water on your running clothes that quickly turns to more ice crystals. We all looked like Mr. Freeze out there. But, we had some fun....several of my teammates ran PR's, I suspect because they were hoping to make it home before their fingers fell off from frostbite.

For me, yesterday's race was exactly 3 months until I toe the line in Nashville, where it will certainly NOT be 15 degrees at race time. But the best thing I accomplished yesterday was overcoming my biggest hurdle- not the weather, but myself. It was not my fastest race but it was my most thoughtful one so far. I controlled the race. I climbed the hills without swearing (too much) and felt good and strong doing it. Oh, and I called to reserve my spot in tonight's super popular spin class while I was somewhere between miles 3 and 4. It sells out quickly and 10am would have been too late to get a spot in the class- a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Besides, I am sure that in addition to me sharing it with you, some other runners got to share it with their friends...."you'll never believe what this girl did during the race...she called and booked her next workout!" then again, runners WOULD believe it. Plus, spin helps me think about my leg turn-over, especially in the hills!

I'm still a long way from being the best runner I can be, I know, but I'm sure having fun (and sometimes, apparently, fun feels like torture) figuring it out. Thanks for coming along for the ride, er, miles!

Faster and Faster

2008-12-19T08:53:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine asked the other day what I had learned this time around now that I am 5 weeks into my training program. There are quite a few things, it seems.
* It's always better to run outside. Being away from a treadmill and programmed pace doesn't let you underestimate yourself. For awhile now, my indoor running has felt stagnant and that's because typing numbers into the computer to generate pace, etc. based on a former race 16 weeks out doesn't automatically account for the strength you've gained and improvements you've made since that race time. Plus, it's just a hell of a lot more fun.
**subpoint to that: While it's often easy to pick a number to achieve and overestimate ability, I need to remember not to underestimate myself.
* Race often. Even if you use it as a tempo run or something, the experience of doing it and getting to know the course (for me, that is usually Central Park). Not too often so as to undermine the big goal race, but enough to be comfortable...and definitely enough to qualify for automatic entry into next year's New York Marathon! (9 + 1, here I come!)
* Find a running partner or a group to train with. In addition to accountability and added fun and entertainment while logging those miles, partners push each other in a friendly, competitive way. I have a group now in the Team in Training folks, and I have signed up for one more structured run a week by taking a NYRR class on Thursdays. It's one of the things that has been missing from my running and, while I love all of you and know that you support me, it allows me to spare you the agony of having to listen to me yammer on about split times and "that *$&#ing hill!" so really, it's good for everyone.
* Don't be a slave to the numbers. It's best to take a day to cross-train or rest after a hard workout, rather than log miles because the schedule says so. Tempo runs, sppedwork and long runs are where the real work gets done, so don't skip those, but it's okay to do something easier on the joints and legs than just slavishly plodding through those 5-6 miles if it's going to sacrifice your ability to have a strong quality work run the next day.
...and finally, a fun fact for everyone:
Chocolate milk is the perfect recovery drink! Not only yummy, but the perfect balance of protein and carbohydrates to help the body recover quickly, this is great news for me! I now keep a large carton of Nesquik in my fridge at all times, and it's the first thing I reach for after a run. Deeee-lish!

Finally, I will end this by saying that I am having a really good running week. I am getting stronger: I felt that yesterday on my 6 miler- because I went to the track to do some strides and then hit the Williamsburg bridge- my favorite run because seeing the skyline helps me remember that I love this city and that I am pretty lucky to have the life I do when times are tough or I've had a bad day- and I felt less difficulty on the uphill and that I was faster and the whole thing was a bit easier than in the past. I am getting faster: some good times have been pulled down this week, from the race to our tempo workout in the park this week, which I thank my fellow, faster advanced group members for pushing me (damn type-A personality!!)
I am having fun: I am really enjoying running- even in the cold, the snow, the wind- and learning that runners are generally good, friendly, social folks, and I really like being out on the roads with them!

A gentle reminder: there is a challenge to get to 25% of my fundraising minimum by the end of December!!! I get a fun prize, which I will consider my Christmas present from you if you help me get there! So, please, please, please donate to my cause...my personal webpage is: http://pages.teamintraining.org/nyc/cmc09/kkocinski

The Most Freezingest Time of the Year

2008-12-15T16:59:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I was sitting in my office, listening to streaming radio and on came "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year." I had to literally grab my desk to prevent myself from ripping the speakers off the desk and flinging them out the window. It's cold, there are tourists everywhere meaning that I can walk nowhere on the midtown streets and, truth be told, this is just not my year. So, I went for a run.

I am just about 4 weeks into my training program with Team in Training, and on Saturday, we raced. It was the New York Road Runners' Holiday 4 miler. And, was it freaking cold out there! I couldn't really feel my feet for the first mile-seriously. But then I got into my groove and just started plugging along. I finished in 32:56- a PR for me and a math calculation for you-and went home to some delicious cranberry pancakes and then headed out to my show. Oh, right, I did shows at Mary's this weekend.

I am also completely obsessed with the Physique 57 class that I am taking. You know, Kelly Ripa's workout place? It's really amazing work, though I will not hide the fac tthat I swear during it- especially the thigh work....OUCH! But, my month unlimited special is up next week, and I have no idea what I am going to do! I am dreading it- but will come back after the holiday ready to start going only twice a week or so.....
To take its place, partially, I also signed up for a New York Road Runners class to work on speed and such. It's just one more structured workout a week for ten weeks. Hopefully, it helps and I get a bit faster.

Alright, more soon- gotta get to Physique!

Back in the Swing

2008-10-17T11:48:00.000-04:00

Did I get sidelined by my injury. I saw a fantastic specialist, and thne had amazing physical therapy treatments, did my exercises, bought enough PT acoutrements to start my own PT gym, and got better. What did not get better, until this week however, was my motivation to get back out there. After a summer of pretty intense training, 2 half-marathons and a bunch of smaller races thrown in, I was climbing towards my really big challenge: my first marathon. Now, instead of sitting on a plane bound for San Fran and that Tiffany finisher's medal, I am sitting at a computer. And it kind of sucks.

Granted it doesn't suck as much as the lockjaw that i got the week of my birthday due to the stress of injury, sick cat, rehearsals, work, a tanking economy. It did not suck as much (and it still really sucks) as having to watch my cat get very sick and die and know there was nothing I could do. It did not suck as much as having to rearrange my birthday plans because someone was inappropriate and having to rehearse. But it did and, as I enter this weekend, probably will continue to suck. Quite a bit, I imagine.

Now, I know there's always another race. In fact, I have started training in pursuit of possibly entering the Miami marathon in January. And, I have committed to attending a Team in Training meeting to see if running for a charity and the support that it provides as far as coaching and training programs would be a good fit. And, I am back in the game- well on my way to logging 30 miles for the week. But, there was something about those weeks off that made my ambition to get out there again seem as fleeting as the plane that was taking off for San Fran and leaving me behind. It just didn't seem possible. It seemed over. And then, one morning, I woke up missing the feeling of running through the early sunlight. The next morning was the same. The next morning, thanks to an early morning at the office, I just got up and ran- a little slow, a little fast, some hills, some flats....and I really, really, really enjoyed it.

Maybe it's the fall air meaning that I don't have to determine whether it's too hot to run outside, or the season-induced discipline of knowing that with a new semester came a new goal or routine. But, all I know is that I am up and running, literally. And, maybe looking to start learning Spanish so I can FINALLY cross that off life's to-do list.

So, so, so sidelined

2008-08-21T12:27:00.000-04:00

The weekend in Chicago was a total blast...well, mostly a blast. Lots of baseball and the fam and friends from near and far (thanks, by the way- you guys rock!!! so much fun!). Race day had me feeling not so hot after being up most of the night (NOT partying), but despite my stomach wanting me to do otherwise, I ran...and ran....and ran.......I started swearing when I didn't see the Mile 7 marker and started to become despondent that the damn mile was taking for-EVER when I heard two guys near me saying the same thing. One guy missed the marker, the other had seen it, and just like that... Iwas almost an entire mile farther than I thought! That was a good boost, even if it did throw my timing off. Overall, it was not the race I set out to run, and that was a bit disappointing, but I still came in right around 2 hours, so all was not lost.

The week after the race, my body totally broke down. The stress of the race, and all the traveling, and the bar (which I never really rested after), and work, and rehearsal finally made the old girl say "enough!" and i remained parked on my couch with my pup and lots and lots of Olympics for 2 days straight.

Now, however, there is a new problem. That nagging soreness from before the race has worsened and I couldn't finish my miles yesterday. It hurt to walk or put all my weight (which was probably a higher number after last week's recovery time) on it. SO, I sucked it up and made a doctor's appointment to get to the bottom of it. Problem: doctor can't see me for more than 2 weeks. IN the meantime, what do I do? No running at all? No running today?

More soon- have to go to abs class....god forbid, I am fat AND injured!

Check, check

2008-08-07T11:03:00.000-04:00

Illinois bar exam- check. Tickets to baseball- check. New, supercute racing sunglasses- check (hey, even a robot like me has to bribe herself once in a while to stay motivated). While I am still looking for my sanity after this last bar exam experience, my body continues to rebel against being subjected to further regimentation and discipline, mostly in the form of a nagging quad pain (this could be fun on Sunday- stay tuned!), and I am battling that inevitable post-goal-reaching funk, I am also making my lists and doing my errands in order to be ready to leave for home bright and early tomorrow morning. About this, I am excited. It's this week in the city that has been the challenge. I am not exactly sure what it is that has made me struggle so much this week, but hopefully tonight's workout- my last speedwork session and inaugural run on the new shoes I am picking up at lunch- will knock me right out of the funk and into the fastlane.

Alright, off ot create more lists...and pack...and run. More when I arrive tomorrow!

Raising the Bar (Anxiety)

2008-07-22T17:34:00.001-04:00

The Illinois bar is in exactly one week. Yes, this is my second bar. Yes, I voluntarily signed up for this one (but only sitting for one day? priceless), and yes, this time it's different. As I sat in the library of my former law school this weekend-all weekend- I looked around and wanted to tell everyone that it was going to be alright. It's not such a big deal. Everything will work out. But then, I realized that I would be lying. And then I started to freak out a bit myself as I alternated between moments of thinking that I knew all this stuff and all the hours and hours and hours that I put in last summer and actually practicing this year would pay off and thinking that I couldn't possibly work fast enough to get all this stuff to the front of my brain again.

Then, yesterday, when I learned what a terrible combination tar, dog paws and hardwood floors are and spent extremely valuable time washing the dog's paws with vegetable oil (it works! good one, B!)and scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush to get said tar out, I felt the panic and the exasperation creep in and start to take hold, I did the only thing I could think of to make it stop: I went for a run. Sure, it was still 87 degrees at 10pm with about 85% humidity, but it was one of the best runs I've had in a long time. No watch, no manadatory mile target to hit for training. In fact, it was a nonrunning day on the calendar, which made the whole thing almost better because it reminded me that I really have drunk the kool-aid now: I wholeheartedly love running. The miles flew by as I thought about how, even a few months ago, this route would have been a bit of a challenge and how I've gotten stronger, both physically and mentally (5am mornings in the cold and rain do that for ya) through the process. When I got home? I kicked some ass at the studying...because I knew I could and for a little while the wheels stopped spinning and just worked as efficiently as they could in the time there was. Good thing I went for that run.

The Mini

2008-06-05T13:21:00.000-04:00

This morning I finished my last training run in preparation for the Road Runners' Women's Only 10K, and I am ready to race. Since I last posted, I survived those shows that I was so dreading and think I learned something about myself along the way. I then went to the acupuncturist who, along with the taking of giant glucosamine supplement pills, helped me with that creaky knee. Thank goodness for Dr. Ana and Glucosamine- what a difference! Then, I did another, completely less intense show,....and then I decided to sit for the IL bar. And then, I got into the NIKE NYC Half-Marathon, which is an amazingly cool event, which required a lottery drawing because it's so popular. God definitely has a sense of humor because it is also 2 days before I have to sit for aforementioned IL bar exam. Isn't it supposed to be the lazy days of summer?!?!

Uh, yeah, not lazy. The IL bar exam will only be one day, since my multi-state score was good enough to carry forward and waive me out of taking that again...now it's just me and esssays. Essays that I have to handwrite because there are no openings in the laptop program- drat! This is the last administration of the exam that I can do that for, otherwise the scores "expire" under IL rules, so it makes sense. Then I never have to think about it again and I will be admitted to the bar in case I need or want to move back. That does not mean it is not painful, however. Thankfully, all the copious notes I took and flashcards I made last year are already coming in rather handy.
Still, it is going to be a journey.

The Nike half is going to be awesome! It's a great event and I'll run through a closed-down Times Square (along with the other runners, not just randomly). If all goes well, I think I will run it (it starts at 7am), be done by 9 then can catch a flight later that day, be in Chicago for Sunday night, study and rest on Monday, steak dinner Monday night, take the bar Tuesday, giant margarita or 7 Tuesday night and fly back to NYC on Wednesday.

Then, I return to Chicago 2 weeks later for White Sox versus Red Sox on Friday night and then running the Chicago Distance Classic (another 1/2 marathon) on Sunday morning. Oh, and this one is for a cause......Racoco productions! As a way of raising funds for the upcoming company quest, the company will be accepting pledges for my run....so it's for a good cause, and it's good midwestern fun. Plus, who likes a challenge more than me?! LOL

More soon!

Frustration is spelled with an "OW"

2008-05-06T12:37:00.000-04:00

I did, in fact, make my peace with not running the Brooklyn Half due to the upcoming shows which require a LOT of technical dancing and preferrably two functioning knees. This peace was coaxed along by 1 fantastic hat for 1 fantastic derby party and more than 1 mint julep.....but peace is peace, right?!

Now, I am having an easy running week, at least for the mileage, if not for feeling easy. After last week's 6 mile tempo run, I thought that I had pretty much kicked the knee pain, was feeling good and confident. Yesterday, I was alright- ran a mile to yoga, did yoga and ran the mile home (that route means that the end of the run is uphill....damn my apartment location!). This morning, up early to get running. I was already slightly creaky as I rolled out of bed and decided to head to the track for some kinder, gentler surface rather than over the bridge on pavement. About a mile in and already on the track, the knee started acting stiff- not good. So, I cut the run slightly short, knowing that I can probably get in some elliptical at lunch before class and rehearsal tonight, but starting to worry. I think that before I hit the doctor and use my entire flexspending account on Advil, I will go to see my acupuncturist and see if a few treatments there do the trick. Plus, I am due to start training for the distance classic next monday (no rest ofr the wicked, right?), so this pesky pain better go away. I think finishing the shows and extreme turnout will help it- I think my IT Band is just confused about where it should be when I am working intensely in both parallel and turnout....let's hope so...and let's hope it gets a clue soon!

Ch-ch-ch-chafing!

2008-04-22T12:39:00.000-04:00

Ouch. This is what the skin on my collarbone says. Yow.....armpits. With the onset of warmer weather comes new and interesting reactions to running clothes. I *might* have overdone it this past weekend. I ran 6 on Saturday- both to process and ruminate all the information I acquired this weekend (including the appearance of a very special guest star at rehearsal) and to silence the voice in my head that tells me I am a lazy fatass....this was a lovely run. It was humid and I figured that's why my knee got a little creaksville on me. So, I decided it would be lovely to do 11 the next day. The knee doth protest. And kept protesting through most of those miles...until it finally just refused to go. thankfully, this was two blocks from the car. We took yesterday off, the knee and I, a rest day made easier by the fact that I also had to recover from a blender full of Blaine's dacquiris! But, we are still a bit on the sore side of ouch.

Trying, Trying, TRYING to savor the moment

2008-04-17T13:26:00.000-04:00

I consider myself someone who can generally appreciate the irony, humor, or ridiculousness of whatever it is I am doing at the time. Also, I have found that running really helps me do this particularly well (why I would want to appreciate sweating like a pig and subjecting myself to HOURS of putting one foot in front of the other fairly rapidly is beyond me, but i never claimed to be sane, just aware). So, I am struggling right now; really, really struggling. So much so that I have found myself counting down the days until I can be free. Let me explain.

The fact that I am currently rehearsing for a part that I had, then was splitting and then told over voicemail that I was too fat to do (so I stopped attending rehearsals) and THEN called and asked to do after all, requiring more rehearsals than I am able to sanely commit to or had ever planned on, takes every ounce of mental energy that I have. For each and every rehearsal. Add to this a full time job that is fairly stressful, the fact that I am running another half-marathon in 2 1/2 weeks, and a brand new puppy who needs a consistent schedule and you might be able to see why I am at the end of my rope.

Instead of counting down the days to race day and being excited, I am planning for the race and the fact that I have to rehearse about 4 hours after I finish it. Not exciting. I know that the shows will be good, and so will the race, but I can't wait until this is over so that I can focus on the upcoming running goals and think about taking a vacation. And, the puppy.

In the meantime, I will try and focus on one day at a time and direct that anger towards the speed workout that I am doing today before I speak on a panel this evening. Ramble on.

Serious Ambition

2008-04-15T12:22:00.000-04:00

You know that you are insane when you choose races based on the baseball schedule....but that is EXACTLY what I did yesterday! The Chicago Distance Classic is a half-marathon that happens on August 10th. This is great timing beause it is about 2 months before San Francisco, but even better because the Boston Red Sox will be in town to play my White Sox!! So, I am taking a day and going to Friday night's game (and fireworks display), which will give me a chance to cheer on my team AND recover for a day before the race, which is super early on Sunday morning.

This morning, I couldn't get out of bed. The plan had been to run before work. HOwever, the plan didn't happen. Maybe it's because I ran to and from yoga yesterday morning, on my "off" day; maybe it's because I have a puppy who is a lovable and squishy energy zapper; maybe it's because i am absolutely DREADING having to rehearse tonight and could think of nothing better than staying buried under the covers all day. However ,while I was lying in bed berating myself for being such a slacker, and noting that I would have to now run either directly before or after rehearsal (enjoy those six miles, sucker), I started thinking about goals. That, and Blaine made me promise not to commit to 47 races that make my schedule such that we can't take a vacation this summer...

Here are my thoughts:
I have the Brooklyn Half in 3 1/2 weeks- which will be a day that begins with running a half-marathon, followed by dance class and rehearsal and a Kentucky Derby party.....FULL DAY. This one I am not hoping to take off too much time (maybe a minute or 2)- I would be happy to run a 1:55.

Then, I am waiting to see if I get into the NYC Half on July 26th- this gives me a lot of time to train. If not, there is Chicago on August 10. This one is a big one- I want to break 1:45 for this, which I hope will put me on pace for the full marathon two months later.

And here is the big goal: the one I will need encouragement and pushing to achieve.....
I want to run San Francisco in under 3:40, which will mean that I qualify for Boston the following spring. There it is: I've said it......I am running to qualify for Boston.
Shit.

Do I need a running coach? OR do I simply need my head examined? Why am I so competitive?

When the Running Gets Tough.....

2008-04-11T12:27:00.000-04:00

Well, I did it. I actually ran my first half-marathon last weekend. After training and having that training sometimes undermined by the arrival of my own little bundle of puppy-butt joy, Sunday was race day.
It was chilly; it was spitting at times; it was hard (damn that hill on the north side of west drive!!); and it was awesome. But more than the actual running itself, I was so touched by the people out that morning yelling their support, not just for their own loved ones, but for every woman running that race. And, there was my team- Agata and Jo screaming and waving on BOTH laps of that race. It made such a difference to me. I finished in 1:56:56- meeting my goal of finishing in under 2 hours (not bad for a first-timer), and I am not certain exactly what or how, but to steal a phrase from the back of several someones' shirts, the woman who finished the race is not the same as the woman who started it. My outlook on life has shifted, just the slightest bit. Sure, there is a confidence that results from testing oneself and finding that one is up for that test. But, ultimately, I feel calmer- in running, like life, there ae good days and bad days, and good moments that can go terribly wrong in the blink of an eye. After that race, I am a little more accepting of that fact, a little more flexible (don't try and tell my hamstrings that, though) to the twists and turns on the course ,and still, a little more determined than before.

Furthermore, I am so encouraged by the support that I have found from all my family and friends and so incredibly touched by knowing that, in some way, this new sport has moved others to take action. If my running means that those women I met last night post-run get on that bike they bought or do a lap around the track, if it means that Jo's mom goes for that walk around the lake, if it means that I can run for a cause that I believe in and support those who can't get started themselves, then I am so, so humbled to know that it does make a difference that I can't possibly stop. And yes, I know that for a lot of you, my running most immediately means that you get to plan a trip to San Francisco and well, that's a hell of a bonus too!

I will continue to run for my life...and the lives of others, whatever form of help that effort might offer.

Next up: Brooklyn half on May 3rd. I am already back to running, greatly helped by the cooperative spring weather.

The one for Charity: The Nike NYC Half- July 27th- stay tuned for details on how to help, coming soon.

The Big One: Mama's first Full Marathon- Nike Women's Marathon, San Francisco, CA- October 19.

Run for Your Life

2008-02-11T16:15:00.000-05:00

So, I know that I have sworn over and over again that I am going to write more regularly on this page and time and again, I have failed. So, I am not going to make any such promise and simply delve into curing what ails.

First things first, I am officially registered for my first half-marathon. Now, this is not a great distance, or one that I think about as unattainable at all. That said, I am a bit freaked out, mostly because i don't want to be undertrained. Which is fine, except that I also feel that I need to take yoga 4-5 mornings a week in order to maintain some semblance of sanity (I know, the jury may be out on that one still). So, I either look at running uber early in the morning at the gym (which does open at 5:30) or going to run after work. That would be preferable, until I factor in that I also have cultural and work events in the evening, and those are mandatory, not just "drinks with the girls." So, I really am facing waking up at 5:30 in the morning to achieve this goal.....aren't goals supposed to be fun?!?! (oh, wait-see previous lawschool-related entries.....decidedly NOT FUN!)

I have 8 weeks....stay tuned.

The Worst Hazing Ritual Ever

2007-07-18T13:43:00.000-04:00

It is now officially less than one week until the bar exam, and I have lost my mind. Totally and completely insane. I have been giggling maniacally at the thought of creating a (perhaps) conditional will that begins "I am going to space. If I do not return, I leave my crap to you and you, in trust, for the care and maintenance of my bastard cat, Henry." At this stage of the game, this is what passes for humor in my world. And really, that's just sad.

A Spoonful of Sugar

2007-03-23T10:23:00.000-04:00

..is something I could use right about now. Or some crack. Flailing towards the end of the last semester, we're all feeling it. We are done- d-u-n, done. This is not the exhileration of finishing something monstrous, but rather, the sort of done where no one can take any more. We are so over law school. And it shows.

Personally, I am just cranky. I am gearing up for exams, papers, and the inevitable freak outs that are on the way. This, plus work, plus an upcoming season and the accompanying pressure to get my ass to the gym 7 days a week, plus the looming bar exam make me feel like I want to spill my brains all over my keyboard. So, instead, I am getting back into the practice of posting here, to keep me from going clinical.

Stay tuned. And watch out for that gray matter.

The Most Horrendous Time of the Year

2006-12-07T18:49:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been feeling like the life of our group of friends is somewhere between the gangs of St. Elmo's Fire and Grey's Anatomy. We definitely live in a pressure cooker, and one in which spending 15 hours a day in a cafeteria is the norm around this time. I was looking forward to explaining that here until a was struck down by the germ manifesto.....

I was feeling pretty good at the start of this week. Dreading exams, sure (who doesn't), but feeling good. And I even managed to think this as I was walking into a freezing cold morning at 6:30 when it was still completely dark out. That's clearly over, as I carry sniffle my way through trademark and gift and estate tax. It's this early in study period and I have already started sporting the sweats. That's right, the "I give up" sweat pants. Between exams, the transition period at work, coupled with my new tethering device, and folks crawling out of the woodwork, this has proven a little too much. While I do, in part, blame the full moon, I also blame my irresistibly charming personality and innate beauty for the fact that people can't seem to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!

Instead, I will focus on my studies, giving excellent gift suggestions, loading up on the vitamins and having a Nyquil night, being an excellent worker, giving cheer and hugs (sans germs) to anyone who needs them (well, not ANYONE, see above) and making a killer chili for this weekend's study sessions.

Until then, crap bag. First name crap, last name bag.

Energy Vampires, Away!

2006-09-26T09:32:00.000-04:00

New decade, new blog.
That, and people who weren't supposed to see it kept finding it. So, here's a new one, that will have an UBER-controlled recipient list. Talk about busted in cyberspace...so, seriously ladies. This is it...guard the URL like Fort- fricking- knox.

Anyway, so far I am feeling pretty good about this new decade. It feels like there's a lot of house-cleaning going on, in the sense that it's time to get rid of everything and everyone who just wastes my time. I know that I have said this before, but I keep giving extra chances and sharing my time and energy. After last night's conversation with the pants, though, that's it.

This all really started when i was thinking about the birthday. And definitely, on the night of my big day. It was so amazing to be surrounded by so many candles and such warmth and love that night. I realized that there is no need to go outside and give my time to those who won't appreciate it because, to steal a line indirectly from myself, I don't want mediocre relationships, I want fantastic ones. And I have those. Thank you for helping me celebrate.